i’m babysitting this 4 year old kid today and as his dad was leaving he said “be good today” and the kid responded by saying “dad i will punch you in the leg”
(via tomche)
My dick is pi inches long
This is fucking me up a bit because like that means my dick is not bigger than 3 inches but yet it’s infinite like wtf
no it just means your dick is irrational and people hate it
(via tomche)
friends: what do you want to do?
my brain: die
me @ my brain: we can’t say that. these people don’t understand casual existential despair
(via zackisontumblr)